Month: November 2020

Thursday, November 26th, 2020 5:15pm EST

In an impromptu press conference at the White House, from an open window on the second floor of the East Wing, Trump promised to bring peace to our “divided” country. Having formed the “Trump Is America PAC” earlier that day, he has begun fundraising for his bid to win the Presidency again in 2024. “I will make you as free as these beautiful birds”, he yelled as he threw the two turkeys he pardoned earlier this week out the window.. Corn survived, Cob was picked clean by the starving crowd below.

A rally on Christmas Day is scheduled for December 24th in Wilmington, DE, and is expected to draw “hundreds of thousands” of patriots.

You can buy your ticket only on Parler.

December 14, 2020

It’s official. Not sure how he did it, but a couple of states went rogue and, together with the electors already declared as voting for Trump, managed to hand Trump exactly 306 votes at the meeting of the Electoral College today, officially making him the President of the United States for the next 4 years, at least.

Trump is scheduled to speak from the Oval Office shortly.

December 1, 2020

A stolen election was found stuffed into a hamper of despair.

Donald J. Trump arrived shortly after publication of the the initial notice to claim the election, but was unable to describe it with any degree of certainty.

We asked him to leave.

January 21, 2021

After a tense stand-off between the Secret Service and former President Trump in the White House, Trump appears to have set the building on fire. As of this moment, his motives remain unclear. According to officials, the fire began shortly after the negotiating team rejected his first and final demand for a week’s supply of fast food. As far as can be determined, the structure remains intact, but we are told a chair and some of the carpet in the vicinity of the Resolute Desk are charred.

We will provide you with further details in the future.